


I don't want to be afraid of you, James

by jensencanfricklemyfrackle



Series: Long oneshots (mix) [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Torture, conditioning fear into reader, fear of Bucky, messing with reader's mind, using bucky's death as torture, using winter soldier as torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 23:49:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13088019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensencanfricklemyfrackle/pseuds/jensencanfricklemyfrackle





	I don't want to be afraid of you, James

I just got you back from the scientist lab that HYDRA took you to when you were kidnapped, and my God what did they do to you?

 

“I know you’re out there!” I scream out, struggling against my restraints. “Who are you? What do you want with me?”

My voice echoes around the empty white room, and I grunt as I tug at the bonds that secure me to the chair that I’m sitting in. I cry out in frustration when my struggling only results in tightening the bonds, chafing against my skin.

“Bucky!” I scream out, tears finally falling down my face as I relive the last memory that I had of Bucky before I got kidnapped. Bucky and I were out walking in the park when a gunshot went off, a mob of men dressed in black tactical gear converged on us, separating us. Then, as we were both fighting, a helicopter appeared almost out of nowhere, and the last thing I remember was the sight of Bucky’s tormented eyes and the sound of him howling my name.

There was no sound from outside the door to my cell, and it stays that way for roughly an hour before I finally hear a sound. It was a gunshot, and it instantly put me on edge. Yelling and more gunshots followed it, and I watched the door as the gunshots and heavy footsteps got closer and closer. I squinted at the door, and I gasped when the door burst open and a dishevelled Bucky ran through it, a cut on his cheekbone leaking blood as he frantically looks around the room, and his eyes settle on me. His eyes lit up and he started towards me, and I screamed when a gunshot went off and a red bullet hole appears in his forehead. He collapses to the floor in front of me, and a squadron of men jog in, and without a word, they drag him out, ignoring my screams and yells.

I don’t know much time has passed after they had dragged Bucky’s corpse away out of the room and locked the door again. I couldn’t help but stare at the blood stain on the floor, and the small flecks of blood on my hands.

My head whipped up at the sound of rushed footsteps, and I froze when the door creaked open and Bucky’s face appeared in the doorway, his blue eyes widening when he saw me.

“Bucky?” I say in disbelief, my hands shaking as I look down at the blood splatter on my hands, and then back up at Bucky’s relieved face. “I don’t – you can’t be – I saw you get shot!”

“Oh, Doll, You can’t kill me that easily” he smirks, and I choke out a laugh as he quietly walks into the room, but when he crouches in front of me, a barrage of bullets slice through his metal arm and thoroughly separating it from his shoulder, making him scream out in pain. A large hand wraps around his throat and he’s pulled back and right in front of me, his throat is slit.

I feel tears streaming down my face as I scream, struggling to get to Bucky as his body twitched on the floor, his eyes dimming.

“BUCKY!”

I sob as the soldiers, once again, drag Bucky’s lifeless body out of the room, one lone soldier carrying his metal arm. I sob breathlessly as I’m left alone once again, fresh blood staining the cement, overlapping the older blood stain.

This happened twice more, Bucky appearing in the doorway, just getting close enough to touch me before he died in a gruesome way, the third time by a crossbow bolt through the heart and throat, and the fourth time by a machete separating his head from his body. But the fifth time he walked into the room, it was different. He was different.

“I don’t understand” I whisper hoarsely as my cried-out eyes follow him into the room, immediately noticing his stiff posture and neutral expression, his eyes eerily empty as he looks at me.

“Bucky, how are you here?”

He seems to snap at the mention of his name, and he strides towards me, fire blazing in his otherwise neutral eyes. His flesh arm snaps out and his hand connects with my cheek, sending a flare of pain into my cheek and face.

“Bucky, please” I whimper, groaning when he hits me again, blood spilling down my chin from a split lip.

“Bucky, it’s me!” I scream out, a cry of pain forcing its way out of my throat when his closed fist slammed into my stomach, and his metal elbow slammed into my jaw.  
“Soldat!”

Bucky, or the Winter Soldier, turns around at the sharp voice, and I look up to see a sharp faced soldier standing in in the doorway.

“Don’t play. Finish her off” the soldier hissed, and Bucky grunted before he twisted around on the heel of his foot and slammed his fist into my temple, sending me straight into unconsciousness.

 

This happened over and over again, time blurring together as Bucky appeared again and again, alternately as Bucky, dying in front of my eyes and the Winter Soldier, beating me half to death before he gets called off by a voice of an unseen soldier. I could never tell who was walking through that door, which quickly became a door to pain and fear that was now becoming conditioned in me.

As I swam back into consciousness, I heard quiet footsteps and I groan quietly as I keep my eyes shut, not wanting to see either Bucky killed in front of me again or the Winter Soldier coming towards me to beat me up.

“Y/n?”

My brain struggles to comprehend the word that I haven’t heard for however long, and something that isn’t laced with a malicious or neutral tone. I keep my eyes closed and I feel my eye twitch slightly when I hear footsteps coming closer to me.

“Y/n? I can’t believe we finally found you!”

I slowly open my eyes at the voice, and I find myself holding my breath when I see a new face, partly obscured by the blue helmet/ mask which matched his red white and blue suit and shield. I look at him curiously, my gaze switching from him to the door behind him, waiting for a gun to appear or some sort of weapon to kill him.  
“Y/n? it’s me, Steve!” the man exclaims as he whips off his mask, revealing short blonde hair and strong jaw, his blue eyes filled with concern and worry as he crouches in front of me.

“Captain America? Steve Rogers?” he prompts, and I blink slightly as I start to breath again, slowly starting to recognise the man in front of me.

“Steve?” I mutter groggily, and he nods as he unshackles me from the chair and scoops me into his arms, murmuring an apology when I cry out in pain, bones that I’m sure had been broken grinding together as my body is jostled in his arms.

I black out.

 

……………………

 

I wake up and cry out as I recognise the white walls and the restraints around my wrists.

“No, no, no” I scream as I frantically struggle against the restraints, my body aching at the sudden use. I thought that Steve had to come and rescued me from that room, from my living nightmare, but I was wrong. I continue to scream and whimper as I struggle, and I freeze when the door opens, but relax when Steve rushes in, his eyes concerned as he carefully gingerly approached me and the bed.

“Y/n, you’re alright”

“No, I’m still here in that cell - I recognise the walls and th-the shackles”

“Y/n, look around you, really look around. Were there chairs in that corner, or were there life support and heartbeat machines against that wall?” Steve points to each thing that he mentions, and I take deep breaths as I follow his finger, slowly calming down as I notice the differences between the two rooms.

“There you go, see? You’re safe” Steve coos, and I nod gently, my hands clenching and unclenching.

“Y/n, is it okay if you have a visitor?”

I nod in vague assent, and I watch Steve intensely as he makes a show of turning around to face the door.

“You can come in, Bucky”

I let out a cry of fear and horror when I hear his name, so used to the response of a fist whenever that name was uttered, and I let out a groan as Bucky tentatively walks through the door. I shrink against the bed, pressing myself into the mattress in an effort to get away from him. He looks at me with sadness and regret, pressing himself up against the wall, both hands clenched into the material of his pants.

“No – don’t – please” I whisper, and Steve frowns at me.

“Y/n, why are you afraid of Bucky?” Steve winced at the look of panic that crosses my face.

“Oh Doll, I just got you back from the scientist lab that HYDRA took you too when you were kidnapped, and my God, what did they do to you?” Bucky’s voice is soft and gentle, but I still stare at him, waiting for him to either die horribly in the hands of a soldier or to turn into the Winter Soldier and to hit me, blow after blow.

“Y/n”

My gaze whips back to Steve and he smiles kindly at me, his hands up in the air as he moves closer to the bed that I was in.

“Sweetheart, can you tell me what happened to you in that room?”

“I - I –“

“It’s okay, take it slow”

I take a deep breath, letting my gaze fall onto my lap.

“They – I was alone most of the time. But, Bucky came in. over and over and over” I say quietly, and I let out a bitter chuckle when I hear Bucky whisper ‘what?” to himself.

“I – I don’t know but they kept killing him in front of me. Or –“ I cut myself off, eyes flicking up to Bucky when he takes a step towards me, his eyes hard.

“Or what, Y/n?”

I let out a whimper and Bucky instantly grimaces, dropping into a crouch at the end of my bed, becoming as least threatening as possible.

“Doll, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please, tell me what they did to you”

“It was either you or him. The Soldier” I whisper the last part, and Bucky growls.

“Time started to blur together. I never knew whenever it’d be my Bucky dying in front of me, or the Winter Soldier beating me into unconsciousness” I cautiously admit, and I make a surprised noise when I see a tear make it’s way down his cheek. I let out a distressed cry and he moves to the side of the bed so he was closer to me, and he rested his head in his arms, his short breaths the only indicator that he was crying. I stare down at him for a moment before I gingerly reach out and run my fingers carefully through his hair, which makes him stiffen. I tug at his hair as a prompt to lift his head, which he obeys. I lock eyes with him and with my free hand I reach out and brush the tears from his face.

“How long have I been gone?” I whisper.

“Two weeks” comes Steve’s reply, and I bite my lip as my tear stained thumb brushes against Bucky’s cheek.

“You are very different from the Bucky I’ve come to know” I mutter, and Bucky whimpers as he nuzzles into my hand, his flesh hand coming up to cup my own, but he quickly lets go when I stiffen, my grip on his jaw tightening slightly.

“Sorry, Doll. I won’t – “he gulps, his jaw tensing under my hand. “I won’t touch you, it’s alright”

“I don’t want to be afraid of you, B- B – Bu - “I stutter on his name as the fear of getting hit when I say his name rolls over me, and he frowns slightly.

“Why can’t you say my name, Doll?”

“Every time I said your name to the Winter Soldier, you would hit me” I mutter quietly, and he winces.

“James” he announces quietly, and I blink in confusion. “How bout you call me James. Is that alright?”

“James” I breathe out breathlessly, and I nod which makes him smile, pressing his lips to the palm of my hand.

“I don’t want to be afraid of you, James” I whimper, and Bucky sighs as he presses soft kisses to my palm and down my wrist.

“I’ll help you, Doll. I love you and I’ll help you to the best of my ability, and when I can’t help any more, I’ll keep trying anyway” Bucky says earnestly, his lips moving against the soft skin of my inner forearm. I start to cry softly and Bucky looks up in alarm, but I only pull him up towards me and he stands up, letting me wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his stomach.

“I misses you so much, James – God I love you so much and that’s why it hurt so much when you would die in front of me or the Winter Soldier with your face would beat me into unconsciousness” I gasp, my hands clutching at the material of his shirt. “ I know that I’m safe now but every time someone walks through that door I expect for them to get killed in a horrible way or for them to come beat me unconsciousness”

“Oh, baby girl, it’s alright, you’re alright” Bucky coos, gently pulling me up so he could sit down on the bed, and he then pulls me into his lap after undoing the restraints on my wrists. He guides my face to his shoulder and I nuzzle my nose against his skin, eyes closed as I focus on him, his strong arms wrapped around my waist, securing me to him.

“It felt like I was in a nightmare, a nightmare that never ended. It was like I was dead” I murmur into his skin, and Bucky in response hugs me tighter to him, pressing his lips to my hair, his fingers curling into the material of my shirt.

“They are never going to take you again, Doll. I’m going to keep you safe. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there before but I am never leaving you again” he pulls me back so our eyes lock. “I promise, Y/n, I’m never leaving you again”

 

…………………………….

 

“Y/n, may I come in?”

I look up towards the door from my bed, humming as Bucky’s arms wrap tighter around me, a small encouraging smile on his face.

“Yeah, Tony, come in” I call out.

It has been two weeks since I was rescued from the HYDRA lab, but I still froze whenever someone walked into a room that I was already in. But I quickly fought down my panic as I feel Bucky’s lips press against my forehead. He hums as he nuzzles my face and I giggle slightly, pressing my body closer to his as I cuddle him.

“You’re alright, Doll” Bucky murmurs as I watch Tony walk into my room, and I nod.

“I’m alright” I agree and Bucky chuckles. “What’s up, Tony?”

“Well, Steve and I went back to the lab that we rescued you from, and – uh – we found the Bucky and Winter Soldier that they tortured you with”

I let out a deep breath, my fingers tightening in Bucky’s shirt before forcing myself to relax. I nod to Tony, waiting for him to continue.

“Well, it was a face mask that was programmed to have Frosty’s face on it, as well as an arm sleeve that was also programmed to look like his arm. We also found a file that detailed how they would use soldiers and use these camouflage equipment to torture you, to mess with your head.”

“That would explain it. But please, I don’t want to remember” I grip Bucky closer to me. “I just want to be here. With Bucky”

I can feel Bucky’s large grin against my hair, as this was the first time in two weeks that I had been able to say his name without stuttering.

“I love you, Doll”

“I love you too, Bucky. Never want to leave you again”

“You won’t Baby, you won’t. I promise”


End file.
